CHRISTIANITY 101: TWENTY-TWENTY HINDSIGHT
Gary and Linda had been married for nearly twenty years when things began to go awry. Facebook had just come into vogue as a computer pastime, and Linda had established her own account. Over the course of the next few months, she reconnected with an old college boyfriend. He was living in the state of Mississippi, and Linda wanted to go down there and see him. In Linda’s mind, the visit would be perfectly innocent. In Gary’s mind, however, the visit seemed a bit suspicious.
That’s when they came to see me. The funny thing is: it was actually Linda’s idea to come and see me. I suppose she thought I was cool, and that I would understand. Yet as all three of my children would quickly tell you, I am not cool…and I don’t always understand. Now I don’t normally tell people what to do in a counseling situation, yet after hearing of their dilemma, the first thing I said was this: “Linda, you need to cut off all contact with that old college boyfriend immediately. You’re playing with fire here, and people who play with fire…often times get burned.” I knew right away that my counsel would go unheeded because Linda was extremely disillusioned when they left my office that day.
Linda did go down to Mississippi to see that old college boyfriend. And as Gary suspected all along, the visit was not as innocent as Linda let on. Linda and her old boyfriend rekindled an old flame – a decision that would eventually cost Linda her marriage. Yet the boyfriend was married himself and – believe it or not – he had absolutely no intention of leaving his wife. In the end, Linda lost her husband, she lost her old college boyfriend, and she lost the respect of her daughters, as well.
As often happens in a situation like this, neither party tends to feel terribly comfortable in the church any more. I never saw Linda again – at least not in church – yet Gary did come to see me one more time. He was angry and bitter about what had happened. You might even say that he had become a bit vindictive. He was withholding alimony checks, he did what he could to turn his daughters against their mother…in short, he was making her life as miserable as he possibly could. Yet in the process, he was making his own life miserable, as well.
I suggested that what he really needed to do…was to somehow find it in his heart to forgive her. His forgiveness would not be for her sake, but rather, his forgiveness would be for his own well-being. It would help bring peace to his sorely troubled soul. Yet the question I have for you now is this: Was that really the proper thing for me to advise? Should he forgive her for his own well-being, or should he forgive her for another reason entirely? Keep that thought in mind as we move on.
Several months ago, we postulated that our spiritual lives are shaped by three basic things: our narratives, our practices, and our communities. Our narratives frame our understanding of God and of ourselves. Our practices are the things we do on a regular basis that help to form who and what we are. Our communities are the places we go where we are surrounded by, and influenced by, other people…for better or for worse.
Then we worked hard to establish a few new narratives about God. Looking at God through the lens of Jesus Christ, we determined that God is good, God is trustworthy, God is generous, God is love, God is holy, God is self-sacrificing, and God transforms. Then we wrestled in turn with overcoming anger, lust, lying and the law of reciprocity. We took a stab at defeating vainglory, avarice, worry and judgmentalism.
The theory behind such an endeavor is that abiding in the kingdom of God is different than abiding in the kingdom of this world. Those who abide in this world ask, “How can I get more?” Those who abide in the kingdom ask, “How can I give more?” Those who abide in this world ask, “How can I find myself?” Those who abide in the kingdom ask, “How can I lose myself?” Those who abide in this world ask, “How can I win friends and influence people?” Those who abide in the kingdom ask, “How can I truly serve God?” Ladies and gentlemen, there is a profound difference between abiding in the kingdom of this world…and abiding in the kingdom of God. Our goal in this series of sermons is learning to abide in the kingdom of God.
Today we continue the process of considering the communities that are meant to influence us from a spiritual standpoint. Obviously, the community we’re talking about here is the church. The issue we’ll be dealing with today is how the church becomes a reconciling community. More specifically, the issue we’ll be dealing with today is this: How does one come to truly forgive?
Forgiveness is perhaps the most difficult thing with which Christians have to deal. For example, Dr. James Bryan Smith is a professor of theology at Friends University in Wichita, Kansas. In a book called, The Good and Beautiful Community, he makes mention of how often he comes face-to-face with the issue of forgiveness. He writes:
I have had the privilege of being a guest on many Christian radio talk shows. Typically, the host of the show interviews me about the content or the ideas from one of my books. Many of the shows allow listeners to call in and ask questions. Initially, I expected the callers to join in the discussion, perhaps even raising a question or two about the topic at hand. I quickly learned, however, that that seldom happens. Instead listeners often share their own stories that end with a very similar plea: “I have been terribly hurt by someone. Please, tell me how to forgive them.” No matter what the topic of the program was supposed to be, I could count on at least two of the calls being about forgiveness. What people seem to want to know is: “Can I forgive? Should I forgive? How do I forgive?”
Like I said, forgiveness is perhaps the most difficult thing with which Christians have to deal. We’re all painfully aware of what we say in the Lord’s Prayer every week. You know, “Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.” Deep down inside of us there seems to be a tremendous fear that if we do not forgive, we will not be forgiven. We all know that we need to forgive. What we don’t seem to know…is how.
I think of what I said to Gary in the opening illustration of this sermon. I told him that he needed to forgive his wife for the sake of his own peace of mind. Yet to say that to someone implies that forgiveness is an act of the will. And, as we said a number of weeks ago, the will actually has no power in and of itself. The will is merely the capacity to choose. Thus, the will is neither strong nor weak. Like a horse, the will only has one task: to do what the rider – in this case, the mind influenced by the body and/or the social realm – tells it to do. Therefore change – or a lack thereof – is not an issue of the will at all. Change happens when other influencers are modified. Perhaps forgiveness, too, happens when other influencers are modified. The question now is: What exactly is it that needs to be modified in order for us to have the capacity to forgive?
I think Jesus lays out what needs to be modified in the passage we read from the gospel according to Matthew. Jesus says that, once upon a time, a king wished to settle accounts with his slaves. A slave who owed ten thousand talents was brought before the king. A talent was the equivalent of fifteen years wages for a laborer. Thus, in today’s terms, if a laborer earns $30,000.00 a year, ten thousand talents would come to exactly four billion, five hundred million dollars. In other words, this slave owed his king a great deal of money.
As the slave could not pay, the king prepared to sell him, his wife and his children...that payment might be made. The slave then dropped to his knees and begged the king not to do so, swearing up and down that eventually he would repay the debt. The king then had mercy upon that slave, and forgave him of his debt. Remember: that slave owed his king 4.5 billion dollars.
That very same day, that very same slave encountered another slave who owed him a hundred denarii. A denarius was the usual day’s wage for a laborer. Again, if the average laborer earns $30,000.00 a year, a day’s wage would be about a hundred and fifteen dollars. Thus, the second slave owed the first slave about $11,500.00. The first slave then grabbed the second slave by the throat and cried, “Pay what you owe!” The second slave begged the first slave for mercy, but the first slave would hear none of it. He then threw that man into prison until he could pay his debt. Yet think about it: Can one really repay a debt from prison? Thus, the first slave essentially threw the second slave into prison for life.
When the king caught wind of what that slave had done, he was furious. “You wicked slave,” he cried. “I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. Should you not have had mercy on your fellow slave, as I had mercy on you?” And in anger, he sent that slave off to be tortured until he could pay his debt. Then Jesus adds, “So my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother or your sister from your heart.”
Okay, that story ends rather unpleasantly, does it not? For the sake of our argument today, we’re simply going to pretend we didn’t hear that part of the story. Because I think the greater point is that each and every one of us is a whole lot more like the first slave than we are like the second. Jesus’ point is this: Each and every one of us has been forgiven far more than we can imagine. And because we have been forgiven so very, very much…we come to forgive others out of gratitude to God. So you see: forgiveness is not a matter of the will. Forgiveness…is a matter of the heart.
The problem today, however, is that most people have been conditioned to not see themselves as sinners. No matter what sort of evil or transgression we commit, we are conditioned to believe that somehow…it’s not our fault. Either that, or we find a creative way to rationalize our behavior. Ladies and gentlemen, God does not look at it that way. God created a perfect world, and God created a way for people to be perfect in it. Thus, in God’s eyes, any transgression – apart from the grace of God in Jesus Christ – is enough to send us into the abyss of hell.
For example, I do not see a hierarchy in the Ten Commandments. Each sin mentioned seems to be equally egregious in the eyes of God. The sixth commandment says, “Thou shalt not kill.” Thus, murder is enough to get us banished from God’s presence forever. The seventh commandment says, “Thou shalt not commit adultery.” Thus, adultery is enough to get us banished from God’s presence forever. The fourth commandment is, “Honor the Sabbath day and keep it holy.” Thus, skipping church is enough to get us banished from God’s presence forever. The tenth commandment is, “Thou shalt not covet.” Thus, wanting what someone else has is enough to get us banished from God’s presence forever.
Are you starting to get the picture? While we may not think that our little sins are any big deal, I assure you…God thinks differently. Yet thanks to the grace of God in Jesus Christ, God forgives us and remembers our sins no more. Thus, perhaps we are a lot more like that first slave than we would like to think. Our debt is a whole lot closer to 4.5 billion than it is to eleven thousand. And because we have been forgiven so great a debt, we can come to forgive the debt of another. Forgiveness is not a matter of the will. Forgiveness…is a matter of the heart.
Yet one more thing still needs to be said. Mary read the story of the Patriarch Joseph a moment ago. Joseph was his father’s favorite son, and he made no bones about it. Joseph lorded his privileged status over his brothers, and it brought about some serious sibling rivalry. When Joseph told his brothers about a dream he had had – one in which they all bowed down to him – that was the last straw. They sold him as a slave and told their father he had been devoured by a wild animal.
Joseph was carted against his will to Egypt, where he became the slave of an Egyptian military man. When that man’s wife made a play for Joseph, and Joseph ran away, she accused him of accosting her. That landed Joseph in prison. Yet possessing a unique ability to interpret dreams, Joseph interpreted one of Pharaoh’s dreams and saved Egypt from a deadly famine. That got Joseph promoted to second in command over all of Egypt.
The famine came anyway, yet Egypt had stores of grain aplenty. Joseph’s brothers later found themselves to be in want, and they went to Egypt to purchase food. It was there that Joseph revealed to them who he really was. As you might suspect, his brothers fell silent…knowing in their hearts exactly what they had done. Yet Joseph replied, “Do not be distressed, or angry with yourselves, because you sold me here. For God sent me before you to preserve life.”
Joseph possessed what I like to call twenty-twenty hindsight. Looking back over his life – as difficult as it had been – he knew that everything that happened to him had to happen to him, in order for him to arrive at the place he found himself now. Joseph knew that the pain and suffering he had endured had helped to build his character. Joseph knew that the hardships he had endured had taught him perseverance. Yet most of all, Joseph knew that the afflictions he had encountered had developed a profound faith within him. That’s how he could forgive his brothers. He was grateful for all that God had forgiven him, and he knew that it was through his afflictions…that God had brought him to the place he was destined to be.
Remember Gary? Gary has since remarried a wonderful woman and he cannot imagine life without her. Had he not gone through what he did go through, he would not be in that situation. Gary possesses the gift of twenty-twenty hindsight. He can look back on his life and see that everything that happened had to happen…in order for him to arrive at where he is today. No doubt, it was painful at the time. But, like Joseph, he can now look back on his life and see that God was able to turn what was very, very, bad into something very, very good. What’s more, in the process, he has finally found in his heart the capacity to forgive his first wife, as well.
Forgiveness is not a matter of the will. Forgiveness is a matter of the heart. When we come to realize how much God has forgiven us, how can we not forgive the transgression of another? What’s more, through twenty-twenty hindsight, we come to realize that those transgressions may have been necessary for us to arrive at where we are today. Thus, I ask you a question: Are you grateful to God for where he has brought you, or are you still bitter about what might have been? I suspect the answer to that question says a great deal about our own capacity to forgive. Amen.
No comments:
Post a Comment