THE SUPERFICIAL SAGA: PART VIII
In the year of 1970 – I suspect that sounds like ancient history to some of you, while it seems like only yesterday to others – in the year of 1970 a single man and a single woman on a college campus started living together…and it made national news. You see, prior to 1970 it was illegal for a man and a woman to live together without the benefit of marriage. Today I’m guessing that at least 75% of the couples I marry are living together before their wedding day. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t bother to even ask any more. I figure…at least they’re trying to do the right thing now. We Americans have rationalized our way into believing that living together prior to marriage is a morally and socially acceptable practice.
Biblical mores aside, I used to be able to say that living together prior to marriage greatly increased the odds that the marriage would end in divorce. My theory was, “How do you go from a relationship with virtually no commitment to a relationship of the highest commitment?” And there were statistics to back me up on that. Then I read an article on the front page of The Meadville Tribune entitled, “Pre-Marriage Move-In No Longer Predicts Divorce.” Essentially, it said that nearly 50% of all first marriages break up in the first 20 years. And living together first is no longer a factor in determining the success rate of marriage.
Yet could it be that there is another factor that has contributed to the high rate of divorce in this country? Could it be that there is something deeper than couples living together that impacts the success or failure of a marriage? Keep that thought in mind as we move on.
This is the eighth in a series of sermons entitled, The Superficial Saga. It’s a sermon series on the seven deadly sins. We poke a lot of fun at sin these days. Truth be told, I don’t think we take sin very seriously. Yet God takes sin seriously. In fact, God takes sin so seriously…that he sent his Son to die on a cross in order to overcome it. Sin is not a matter to be taken lightly, as though a person could saunter into God’s presence at any time, in any mood, with any sort of life behind them…and at once perceive God there. No, the sense of God’s reality is a progressive and often laborious achievement of the soul; the soul that takes sin seriously and earnestly tries to dispel it.
Six weeks ago we examined the sin of pride. We determined that pride is a sin basically because Jesus said it was. The secret to overcoming pride is humility. And the key to humility is to approach God not as the big, self-sufficient, and self-reliant adults we pretend to be. Instead, we approach God as little children: frail, empty, dependent...needing a gracious and loving God in the worst possible way.
Five weeks ago we examined the sin of envy. We determined that envy is cold-hearted and cruel. From a theological standpoint envy is basically our own sense of dissatisfaction with the way God made us. The secret to conquering envy is love. And the secret to love…is to wish what’s best for someone else.
Four weeks ago we examined the sin of wrath or anger. We determined that anger is a normal human emotion that needs to be expressed. Yet that anger needs to be expressed in the form of an offering to God. In other words, we express our anger to God in prayer…and then leave it in God’s hands to rectify the situation. The secret to conquering anger is forgiveness. Forgiveness then breaks the cycle of anger that peace might rule the day.
Three weeks ago we examined the sin of sloth. We determined that sloth is essentially a spiritual apathy that stems from a sense of hopelessness about the world. The key to overcoming sloth is to remember that we serve God, not anyone else. We are called to remain diligent in our tasks, and in our belief, that God’s kingdom will come to pass when all the world comes to serve God.
Two weeks ago we examined the sin of greed. We determined that all that greed gets us is a whole lot of stress and a much shorter life. Greed says, “I want, I need, I’ve simply got to have.” Charity says, “Thank you, God, for what I do have.” Thus, perhaps charity is just as much for us as it is for whatever charitable institution it is to which we choose to give.
Last week we examined the sin of gluttony. We determined that gluttony is weakness…and that weakness is the door through which the devil always tries to enter. The key to overcoming said weakness is more a positive frame of mind than it is anything else.
Today we examine the sin you’ve all been waiting for – the sin of lust. As we saw in our passage from the first chapter of the book of Genesis, sexuality started out as a good gift from God. It says, “So God created humanity in his image; in the image of God he created them – male and female he created them. God blessed them and said to them, ‘Be fruitful, and multiply…and fill the earth.’” In the first chapter of the book of Genesis men and women are seen as equals – both having been created in the image of God and charged to propagate the species. It’s in the second chapter of the book of Genesis where things start to get messy...because that’s where we begin to make distinctions.
The second chapter of the book of Genesis records another account of creation. There we see that God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam. Then God took one of Adam’s ribs and with it he created Eve. And for the last six thousand years, women have been seen as being subservient to men.
It started with their temptation by the serpent in the Garden of Eden. For centuries, Eve was seen as the culprit. She was the one that was tempted by the Serpent, and she was the one who led poor Adam astray. Recent scholarship, however, has tried to get Eve off the hook. Experts say that at least Eve was thoughtful about what she did. Adam just did it. As one woman said, “That’s just like a man…always thinking about his stomach!”
I want to put a different slant on that story. I want every married man in the sanctuary this morning to raise his hand. Now, keep your hand up…if you think it’s a good idea to complain about what your wife puts in front of you for dinner. I don’t complain about what my wife puts in front of me for dinner. I’m afraid to! That’s probably what happened in the Garden of Eden. Eve put an apple in front of Adam and said, “Here. Eat this.” Adam knew better than to question Eve. So you see, I’m not letting either one of them off the hook. In any case, by the end of the story, when Adam and Eve are banished from the Garden, they are clearly at odds with one another. And it seems we’ve been unable to see one another as equals ever since.
Jesus weighs in on the matter, as well, in the passage we read from the gospel according to Matthew. There he says, “You have heard it said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Now granted, it would have been nice if Jesus had talked about women looking at men with lust as well, but the point remains the same. To look at a person with lust is to not see them as a person. It is to see them...as an object. Lust sees another person as an object for the gratification of its own lewd desires. And therein lies the problem.
But hey, that’s easier said than done, is it not? We humans are passionate by nature. It’s biological, for crying out loud! But I submit to you that lust is not the same as love. Lust says, “I can’t wait to see him again,” or, “I can hardly keep my hands off her.” That’s what we call romantic infatuation. Love is showing compassion even when you don’t feel very compassionate. Love is continuing to give in spite of the desire to take. Love is holding on when it would be so much easier to just let go. Love is a mutual respect that is built upon years and years of hard work and sacrifice. You see, love is not something so fleeting as a fickle emotion. Love… is a state of being.
As I frequently say in my wedding sermons, love is bringing a beautiful, healthy child into a world full of pain because you truly believe your love can make a difference. Love is watching that child grow up and decide to share his or her life with that of another. Love is standing beside your spouse when they’re lying in a hospital bed…worried sick about what life would be like without them. Love is sitting across the room from one another after the kids have grown and gone – perhaps not saying a word to each other – but looking at each other and remembering a lifetime of shared memories. Love takes time because love is so much more than a fickle emotion. Love…is a state of being.
Now back to the notion of living together before marriage. It seems as though it is now a proven fact that living together prior to marriage does not impact the success rate of marriage in any way. Could it be that there is something deeper than couples living together that impacts the success or failure of a marriage? I think there is.
The general rule of thumb these days…is that after three dates, a couple is expected to sleep together. And by sleep, I don’t mean sleep. So here’s what happens. A couple sleeps together, and the sex is good. So then they move in together, and the sex is still good. Then they decide to get married, and the sex is still good. Then a few years down the road, the thrill wears off a little bit. Suddenly a couple discovers that they’re married to someone that, a) they don’t really know, and b) they don’t really like! Such is the fruit of a relationship built on lust. Now that’s just my theory. I’ve never read it or heard it anywhere. I just think that’s what the problem is. A relationship that is not built on mutual trust and respect is simply destined to fail.
So what have we learned so far? We’ve examined the seven deadly sins. And along with that, we’ve examined the seven holy virtues or the seven cardinal virtues. The seven holy virtues are meant to counteract the seven deadly sins. As I’ve mentioned in every sermon for the last seven weeks, the only way to conquer sin…is to replace it with something better.
Yet truth be told, we will never be able to completely master our sin, no matter how hard we try. If we could, then God would have sent his Son into the world for nothing. So we have a bit of a conundrum here. On the one hand we are miserable, wretched, hopeless sinners in desperate need of the grace of God. Yet on the other hand, we are the beloved children of God – more precious to God than life itself.
Martin Luther called this situation, simul iustis et peccator. What that means is this. We are both justified and sinner at the same time. We are loved, accepted, redeemed and saved – and we are rebellious, deceitful, dishonorable and vile – at the same time. Perhaps all this means… is that God isn’t finished with us yet.
My oldest son is going to have my hide for telling this story, but I’m going to tell it anyway. About ten years ago, my son and two of his friends had a book of matches and some fireworks. They were in a field and it had been very dry that summer. Let’s just say that shortly after they left the area where they had been…six to eight-foot flames erupted. A vigilant neighbor called the fire department and disaster was averted. Now in fairness to my son, he did not light the fire. But as far as I was concerned, he was guilty by association.
When I found out what had happened, I rounded up my son, Rob, and one of the other boys – a boy named Neal – and drug them down to the police station. There they made their confession and essentially received a slap on the wrist. As we were driving home, I said to the boys, “You got off easy. The next time, you may not be so lucky.”
I knew I had done the right thing when Rob immediately said, “There won’t be a next time.” He learned from his mistake. And Neal…Neal just rolled his eyes. Ladies and gentlemen, my son is currently interviewing for acceptance into a pharmacy school. Neal died last summer of a drug overdose.
Did I love my son any less for his mistake? No. Did I love him enough to let him learn the consequences of his actions? Yes. Maybe that’s what God is doing for us as well. He loved us enough to send his only Son. And he loves us enough to let us learn from our mistakes. God’s not finished with us yet. What will you make of your mistakes? Amen.
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